Jashin's Pub
by Secret Sheik
Summary: Jashin owns a pub. The Night Mother runs it. Jenova and a few other random guests appear. RANDOM HILARITY. Rated for Hidan's mouth.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: You know, this is all Robert's fault.

**ATTENTION: I DO NOT OWN POCKY, NARUTO, FINAL FANTASY, ELDER SCROLLS, OR ANY OTHER THING REFERENCED IN THIS FIC. THIS IS FAN FICTION AND NOT FOR PROFIT.**

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Jashin's Pub - Chapter 1

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Jashin walked into a nearby pub, one that he just happened to own himself. It was business as usual, though he'd be lying if he said that he wouldn't have a few drinks. After all, it was his pub, and he knew that the day to day bar stewardess would have his seat ready. Though he may have been an evil deity, he wasn't exactly forbidden from enjoying himself. With a calm stretch, he entered the little pub situated in a location that is yet to be disclosed. The Night Mother was there tending to the bar as usual, in charge when he wasn't around. He waved to her briefly as he glanced over the other patrons, pausing before taking his seat. With a toothy grin he leaned against the counter, his metal necklace clanging against the wood, the upside-down triangle emblem sliding slightly.

"So... Hear any news from the other parts of Tamriel?"

She scoffed at him with a disgusted look on her face while cleaning one of the bar glasses. "If I hear that irritating line ONE more time, I'll strangle myself."

"A lot of good that would do," he said with a chuckle. "How's business tonight?"

"Steady, not busy or slow, just average." She paused after she set the glass down, glaring at him with mock indignation. "The usual?"

He waved a hand immediately. "No, no. Not tonight. I was going to come down here and ask if you knew what Pocky was."

Her shadowy eyebrow rose curiously. "You don't know what Pocky is?"

"Hidan asked me for a lifetime's supply of Pocky the last time I saw him. Didn't know what the stuff was so I said I'd think about it. I swear, he asks for stranger and stranger things every time I see him..."

She gave him a hard to read smile before heading to the back kitchen, returning with a red box declaring that yes indeed, this was Pocky. Chocolate Pocky, to be precise. She set it down in front of him with another peculiar smile before speaking. "You know, I just ordered some of this in, and ever since, business has increased. Try it, you might like it too."

He stared at the box in his hand cautiously, not sure whether he should eat strange food, but he was distracted by a stranger coming up and to his right, leaning over the bar lazily, her pale white hair draping over the counter. A metal plate read "JENOVA" and her body seemed to be made of all kinds of unusual parts. Were those things WINGS? Who knew... Whoever she was, that silver hair was just downright pretty. She noticed him next to her and grinned. "Sorry, bud. Didn't mean to shove right in. Who might you be?"

He stopped fiddling with the box of Pocky to glance at her. "I'm this pub's proprietor. Hey, have you ever had this stuff?" He held up the box for her to look at.

She snatched it out of his hands with a wide grin. "Hey! Pocky! I love this stuff!" She immediately opened the box and took out one of the packs of Pocky. However, just as she was about to eat one of the delicious chocolate covered cookie sticks, a small trio of white haired men burst through the door- and I mean THROUGH the door. She sighed with defeat down at the Pocky stick, recognizing those three easily. Laz, Yazoo and Kadaj. Well, damn. The moment they entered, Laz looked like he was about ready to cry and Kadaj started yelling. "Mommy, mommy! Come quick, our brother is trying to beat us up and we're scared!"

With a mental groan she pointed at them, eyebrows furrowed fiercely. "I'm not your real mother now GET OUT OF HERE!"

The three scurried out of the wrecked door as the Night Mother sighed. "They wrecked the door again."

Jashin couldn't help but look a little surprised. "This happens... often?"

She nodded ruefully. "Yeah, they come in whenever Jenova comes in. Stick around and you'll see all of the other crazies that come by. You don't usually come in this late, you know. It would be good for you to see how a real night goes."

Well, he couldn't argue with that. Ever since the bar's founding, he had needed to hire the Night Mother due to his deity related duties and seldom had the day off. However, tonight he could spare it. "Alright. I guess I'll stick around a little longer..."

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A/N: A prologue. Have your eyes started to bleed yet? Haha...


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: All I own is my own insanity. I do not own any anime, video game, etc series, any product placements, or anything else that might have some sort of copyright behind it. That includes VG Cats. **If you can't read this disclaimer, then how can you see the "report" button?**

Definition of Fan Fiction: "a fictional account written by a fan of a show, movie, book, or video game to explore themes and ideas that will not or cannot be explored via the originating medium; also written fan fiction, also called fanfic." Courtesy of the dictionary.

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Jashin's Pub - Chapter 2

Jashin was just about to finally enjoy the box of Pocky, as was Jenova, but their fates were never too great, were they? A small cloaked figure with pink hair and ears suddenly entered and shoved a dark book in his face, silver lettering reading Jenova on the front.

"Hi there, sir, I'm a Jenova's Witness. Will you be prepared for the Reunion?"

Beside him, he heard Jenova mutter "Oh geez not another one..." and slam her head on the table. He tried to be a little nicer and waved the small person off kindly. "No thank you."

He thought he saw the gleam of sharp little teeth before she turned around. "Too bad, I guess I'll be the one laughing when Sephiroth destroys your puny little body..." With that, she disappeared.

He turned back to Jenova curiously. "So who is Sephiroth?"

She groaned, finally taking a piece of Pocky out of the box, munching away. "One of my servants, or so he believes. That idiot thinks I'm his mother, they all do. They're just infused with some of my cells, giving them powers and such. To me, all it does is make them a bunch of whiny, silver-haired little children crying and it's all mommy this, mommy that... ugh." She rested her head in her hands despondently.

Jashin nodded sympathetically. "I think I understand where you're coming from. I have a few problems myself with a certain silver haired man... Perhaps we can collaborate on a solution."

The Night Mother leaned across the bar, joining the conversation while there were still only a few people in the bar, enjoying the brief moment before all the night folk came in. "You know, Akatosh came in a few nights ago, I guess he's also been having problems with his followers. He doesn't want to go to the bar the daedra lords usually go to, so he's left to either go to chapel or find his own way of dealing with it. Needless to say, he's been coming in more and more often."

Jenova groaned again. "As long as the king of Hyrule doesn't come by again, I'll take anyone."

"Jashin-sama! Where the fuck are you?" Speaking of the devil... Hidan entered the bar, shoes shuffling as he sauntered towards the counter. "What the fuck have you been doing, drinking yourself to death? Geez... Seriously, what is with you?" He flopped down onto a nearby stool, nodding to the Night Mother. "Yo, you got any sake?"

The woman had been ready for his question, bottle and glass in hand, placing it before him. "Of course, I always keep a few here."

Hidan leaned on the long bar table, sighing and stretching. "Damn it, Jashin-sama, why won't you ever answer my fucking prayers? All I ever get is a fucking chuckle."

Jashin's eyebrow twitched, but otherwise he kept calm. "Most of the time all your prayers consist of are requests for Pocky or why the sky is blue."

"But I want to know! Damn it. Why is the fucking sky blue?"

Jenova's forehead was still well connected with the table, but she answered coherently enough. "The thickness of the atmosphere warps the light coming through it and the atmosphere only appears blue. At higher elevations the sky appears whiter simply because of how high up you are."

He had no idea how to respond to that, and only when the Night Mother slid a full glass of sake in his hands did he have anything to talk about. "Shit... that's awesome."

The Night Mother leaned forward, resting her palms on the counter. "Jashin, any more of your peons coming in? I really don't want to deal with any more immortals."

Just then, Kakuzu entered the bar, kicking the door a little. He glared at Hidan for a moment before motioning out the door. "Come on, idiot, the bastard wants us."

Hidan knew who "the bastard" was and reluctantly got up from his seat. "Jashin damn it, Kakuzu, I just sat down!"

Jashin nodded briefly. "Damn noted."

"Seriously, Kakuzu, do we have to go NOW?" At the miser's nod, he huffed loudly and followed after him. "Fuck damn it, Kakuzu, that guy is going to get an earful when we get back!"

"Then save it for the base and shut the fuck up." At long last, the annoying Jashinist left the building, leaving behind... silence? No, the reprieve was short for through the door the first batch of the night visitors were coming inside. At the moment, the only other person at the bar was a strange blond man with a green outfit and a peculiar green hat. Around his head, a little blue fairy floated about from time to time, demanding that he listen to what she was saying.

Through the door came an odd old fashioned priestess with long black hair and a traditional styled uniform. She was followed closely by an even stranger looking blue furred feline hybrid, some kind of... furry? No, probably not, but he still looked weird. He had a horn on his forehead, but it had long since been broken. This cat seemed fit for battle, though in comparison to his comrades, he probably wasn't too useful. The priestess and the cat sat down at the bar, the priestess turning to Jenova. "Did they come back again?"

Jenova's forehead was still quite plastered to the bar but she managed to wave a brief greeting. "Yes, they did. Honestly, Kikyo, I don't know how to get them to leave me alone! Every single day!" She finally separated her forehead with some effort, her features scrunching a bit when she spotted the cat. "Did you have to bring Kimahri here?!"

Kikyo sighed, ordering a small glass of sake from the bar. "I'm sorry, he followed me again."

The Night Mother passed the order to Kikyo, also showing her distaste. "Where's Hircine when you need him?"

Jenova waved off the complaint, taking out her cell phone. "Relax, I have him on speed dial."

Jashin put forth the effort to make himself more comfortable, he had a feeling tonight would be long. "Does this happen every night?"

The Night Mother only chuckled, looking down at him with a smile. "You think this is bad? Just stick around, you'll find that there's a lot more to this place than meets the eye."

With godlike speed (after all, he is a daedra lord) Hircine arrived, enchanted spear in hand. His spear easily overwhelmed the pathetic stats of Kimahri's spear, and in moments Hircine was chasing Kimahri out the door and into the countryside. A few more guests edged their way in after Hircine left, staring after the spectacle with wide eyes. That's when the Night Mother heard a voice she REALLY did not want to hear right now. "This peace is what heroes strive for, mah boi!"

Oh lord. Not him.

The Night Mother made no effort to put on a poker face but at least greeted him well enough. "Welcome back... King Harkinian. I... didn't expect you back so soon."

The King laughed with creepy loudness, taking a half-full goblet out of seemingly nowhere and splashing the contents everywhere. "Hmm... I wonder what's for dinner."

Then, from behind him, an even worse person spoke up. "I'm so hungry I could eat an octorock!"

It was at this very moment that everything suddenly got interesting, at least from Jashin's point of view. The strange blond man that had been at the bar from the very beginning slammed an empty bottle of milk down on the table with a bang, standing in an instant and unsheathing the mighty Master Sword, pointing it at the offender. Oddly enough, the offender looked somewhat similar to the blond man only with brown hair and a body that looked like a kindergartener drew it. With a loud voice, the blond man shouted at the newcomers. "You will never be one of us, you fake Link! You can pretend all you want but you were never meant to be created! Just because you were created on the basis of a very shoddy business decision doesn't mean that you have any right to claim our title!"

Jashin's forefinger tapped at the bar table thoughtfully, and after a moment he spoke to the Night Mother. "You know, I've been thinking..."

She stopped what she was doing, returning his gaze. "Yes?"

"I'm giving you a raise."


End file.
